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Modern Love. “I thought monogamy suited me, but I was wrong”



When my wife suggested we go elsewhere, she assured me that it would strengthen our relationship. I told her that it would lead to divorce. And we were both right.

It wasn’t a surprise. The first time was seven years into our marriage. I had just finished seminary, and at the time my Christian faith was wavering. I could begin to imagine a life without God, but because my education had cost me so much, I had a hard time envisioning a career outside of religion.

For her part, the previous year, Corrie had lost her faith, without complication and with annoying joy.

Sexuality under control

So one evening, seven years into our marriage, she said to me: “Do you regret not sleeping with more girls in college before we got married?” Corrie was a social worker, an energetic young woman with a very expressive face, unable to hide what she felt. Behind that question, I could read her excitement.

I was shocked. By “college,” she meant the evangelical theological institute where we had met, and where we were both driving students. The kind of Christian college where dancing is forbidden.

Like many other students, Corrie and I had married immediately after graduation. We were in love, but more importantly, we wanted to experience our sexuality, which was only permitted within marriage.

“What! But no, not at all!” I answered him vehemently, being careful not to speak too loudly so as not to wake our 5-year-old daughter. Yet this confession released something. And we began to make a list of all the students we would have liked to know better in a biblical sense. And, for Corrie, they were mostly women.

Little by little, it became a habit, a kind of game. We had fun spotting people we would like to sleep with, in series, at restaurants. We never agreed, except on Jennifer Lawrence, of Hunger Games.

Gradually, the game began to take on a different tone when it became very clear that Corrie was attracted to a very specific guy. “And she ? I said, showing him a slightly androgynous girl. Do you find her sexy?”

Corrie began identifying as bisexual, then pansexual, then queer. I was at a loss for words. On the one hand, I was struggling to find my place and that of our heterosexual couple on the map of her new fantasies. But on the other, the more she could talk about it, the more her libido increased. After years of not really being interested in sex, Corrie started to like it. Except that I had little to do with it.

Loyalty questioned

After an episode of

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